My Story
After losing my dad to cancer in 2014, I went with the idea that if I blocked out every emotion, never acknowledging any of what I was feeling and simply continued my life as if nothing had happened, eventually things would get better. That was not the case. At some point between end of middle school to beginning of high school, everything I'd been keeping inside exploded and so began a very rough period. I am still working on myself everyday to move forward. One of my strongest feelings has been this want to stay in the past where my dad was still alive. I was happy in the past, so naturally that's where I want to be. Because of this, however, it's very difficult for me to find an and incentive to move forward with my life.
I procrastinate a lot, stress myself out, and my sleep schedule is messed up. That rough period created habits that I still need to break. When I get even a little sad, my body takes it as a much bigger issue than it actually is and tries to freak me out. It's as if my body and mind aren't connected. And when I feel happy, my mind tries to tell me that this can't be the new normal either. Warnings get shot no matter what as if my nervous system was in a constant state of "fight or flight". My head and my thoughts can be perfectly calm, but my body gets triggered to feel anxious because of past patterns. And the other way around. Very complicated and extremely frustrating.
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In the end, I have lost my trust in life and I have to re-learn the underlying feeling of "all is well" that make sup for a healthy mind-body connection. Let's go on this journey together!
Biggest Takeaways
What you're feeling now is very intense, but it is just the beginning. Those emotions will not last forever, at least not with this level of intensity. At some point you will be able to accept and acknowledge the fact that there's no getting rid of these feelings completely. The difference is that loss will become a part of the whole picture but not the only thing you will see. You will never get over it nor should you, but it can take you to the next level of your life and brine you a whole different kind of happiness. You will carry on.
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As we live in a society that still doesn't understand grief, take advantage of all the tools that are out there. Become part of a community that gets it, that understands suffering and is willing to suffer together. This is what I set out to do with this website.
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At a time in our lives where we feel lonelier than we ever have, it is good to know that we are not alone. It is good to know that we haven't gone crazy. It is good to know what to expect, what is normal when we grief. It is also good to know when to get help and where to get help.
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Don't fight it, don't let it take over, just approach it with love and care (approach yourself as you would a friend going through this). Really understanding who you are is so valuable. One day you'll look back on this time in your life, this initial period of unimaginable pain, and you may not even remember those hugely intense feelings, but you will always remember what made you smile again.
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